…such a yummy nickname (as in Ferrero Rocher)

(I beg forgiveness for this un-bloke-y comment, could not resist)

I’m not sure that men can type!! Are you saying that men don’t read, get fit, etc? Nothing more attractive to a woman than a forum topic with “men’s talk” on it!!!

On the blokish theme, here are a selection of Tommy Cooper’s finest: (it helps if you can read them in his voice/accent but I suppose most of you youngsters will not know who he was…)

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.’

He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.’ I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.

And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this is my livelihood.’

So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you.

A policeman stopped me the other night, he taps on the window of the car and says: ‘Would you please blow into this bag, Sir’. I said: ‘What for, Officer?’ He says: ‘My chips are too hot’.

I got stopped again last night by another policeman. He says: ‘I’d like to follow you to the nearest Police Station’. I said ‘What For?’. He said: ‘I’ve forgotten the way’.

So I said to the taxi driver, ‘King Arthur’s Close’. He said, ‘Don’t worry, we’ll lose him at the next set of lights’

And he said ‘My dog doesn’t eat meat’. I said ‘Why not?’. He said ‘We don’t give him any’

I went to the doctor. He said ‘you’ve got a very serious illness’. I said ‘I want a second opinion’. He said ‘all right, you’re ugly as well’.

‘Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home.’ ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. ’ ‘Is it common?’ ‘It’s not unusual.’

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. ‘My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? ’ ‘Well,’ says the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’ So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ’ ‘No, because he’s really heavy’

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It’s either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

Darlings. If you think pilates are just silly mamsy-pamsy girly things, far beneath manly blokes, you should probably talk to Nathan, who was in my last course of pilates - a tennis pro who couldn’t take it, complaining of his muscles screaming so much that he couldn’t hold the exercises & sretches. To his credit, he did persevere, though, and ended up being able to stay through nearly a whole class by the end of the 3 months! So whattaya say, boys? Who’s brave and strong enough - Pilates anyone?

Well I’m sure that us blokes may not quite be able to cope with pilates, but I’m also pretty sure that the ladies out there reading this wouldn’t quite be able to cope with our five a side football matches either. Horses for courses.

I think deriding a man for his God’given bone and muscle structure is tantamount to saying fish are stupid as they cant walk. Now we all know that fish are stupid but it is for a whole load of other reasons

I remember watching the boxing and seeing a musclebound weightlifter getting completely out-fought by a man smaller and weedier than himself. Why, because boxing requires a diferent set of muscles that weightlifting. Similarly Tennis needs different muscles to pilates.

I think that it isn’t the length of your quarterstaff that makes you a bloke. Just that you were born with one

Welcome to The Bloke Zone Flagman.

PS A certain bloke book on the forum has a book which according to him is called “Your Woman : An Owners Manual”.

[Lights Pink Touch Paper and backs off]

Well if you guys think that a little home brew is gonna get you going then go fo it, however when you start complaining about those beer bellies you will be getting you will be calling on us pilates girls to get you into shape!! xyz

Fererro are you going to invite the lads round to try a little of you brew? We haven’t had a men’s social for a while.

Well - the day has come and I’ve just tested the Home Brew - and……..it’s actually not bad!! Got a nice head, and it’s quite drinkable!

So gents, I propose a toast, or a few toasts, round my gaff on Friday evening. Spread the word fellas - 8pm onwards at 18 Grove Road. I have but a few pint glasses, so if you can take a whole pint of the stuff in one go then please bring your own glass.

Oh, and I’m afraid, unlike this forum track which has to date had a third of its comments made by females, this evening is just for the lads.

Spread the word guys and maybe see you on Friday?!?!

Will your wife be allowed to stay if she serves the peanuts and crisps and promises not to offer any opinions?…. or shall the ladies pop out for a curry together and a spot of bingo?

Perhaps someone else could offer their wife for general opinionless “skivvy” duties for the evening.

What about inviting the newest member of the Oaktree Wives Club to come and serve drinks. Perhaps Mr W will kindly bring her along. It might provide a good training experience for her.

on the blokes bit to welcome Leggy into the light!!! Good to see ya mate!

ooh and very amusing to see who is online and not working right now!!!!

It’s good to have finally taken the plunge! I hope to provide stimulating discussion and debate for the forum…..for a good example of this see my post on the Maria thread….

Thought I’d update you all on the home brew!

It has turned out to be a great success - I even had the in-laws drinking it for tea!!

Lucky J and Mark B (think he should be known as ‘The Bish’ - other suggestions gratefully received) have also partaken - Lucky J coming back for seconds!

Roffygirl quite likes it too - so that’s a result! One of my three criteria for a girlfriend many moons ago was that she drank beer - and now Roffygirl happily drinks the odd lager (or sips at mine which is a tad annoying) and now Yorkshire Bitter home brew - just Guiness left really!